Leliel en la Tetradimension

Si llegaste aqui, estás perdido (...yo lo estoy)

las dos con treinta y siete de la noche, súbitamente he despertado con la sensación de que está temblando, ¿debería salir a la calle, a un lugar más seguro?. Mientras, mi corazón palpita estrepitoso, siento que el mundo cambió, que algo se movió de lugar y no podrá ser re-acomodado, que mi cuerpo, casi inerte -de no ser por el alarmante vaivén que produce aún en él un golpeteo desde el pecho- ya no reaccionará jamás ni de igual forma ante cualquier aspaviento y sin embargo sigue vulnerable. Sigo temblando. En cuestión de segundos evaluó la situación, escucho los coches pasar apresurados detrás de la ventana, la luz de la habitación se quedó encendida y muda, yo atravesado en la cama y con un frio en los pies que cala. La prisa del día acabó hace unas horas y sin embargo aún hay tanto por hacer. Quizá y sólo quizás debería salir a caminar para calmarme.

 ¿de verdad tembló?
 ...estoy solo. El último mensaje tuyo que recibí fue hace más de 25 minutos antes de caer dormida. Si miro por la ventana estoy seguro que las calles siguen fanfarronas y no hay nada remarcable sino el frio pavimento mojado y las luces de la ciudad. ¿había ya mencionado que el frio está que pela los huesos?. Y mientras pasa, mi pecho no para de bombear vertiginoso. Este despertar no me agrada, hay algo turbio en él. Así que me detengo un momento y trato de calmarme. Mejor prosigo repasando el escenario mientras pienso en que es un simple susto, mas no por ello explica esta agitación que hace sentir cada parte de mi cuerpo sacudido, perturbado con la fuerza de un solo musculo. Una vez más veo el reloj y son las dos con treinta y ocho de la noche.Entonces, algo me hace brincar, al parecer la anestesia no fue la suficiente y sigo en la mesa de operaciones...

Abstract – Pencil Crayon
Caren Taylor

 [Voice 1]
These songs won’t write themselves and its going nowhere..

These words I seen them some where
This path I walk by daylight
This bending corner is upon us don’t know what to say by
May I may I take you forward?
I’m who you've always wanted
You don’t know the order
Numbers I can make them plummet
I’m already at the summit
I already speak your language
You save yourself from anguish
I make myself a sandwich
I see the trickle of a brook over a fallen body
He wears the thistle we mistook him assault and robbery
So when they halt the bombing
Come meet me at the clearing
As results are coming we can see if practice matches theory
And then assess our losses and then we learn our lessons
Then we count the tragedies and triumphs and traumatic stressing

Get back – Get back - Back
Get back – Get back - Back
Get back – Get back - Back
Get back – Get back – Back

[Voice 1, Voice 2 and
Voice 3]
Cause these songs won’t write them selves’ and its going nowhere
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
These songs don’t write them selves’ and it’s going nowhere
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go (When its all worn)
When it’s all worn off where do ya go (
worn off)
(When its all worn off)
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When its all worn off when its all worn (off)
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
Where do ya go where do ya go

[Voice 3]
In the shadowed expanse between the distance of our hopes
I span from here to now with gossamer ropes
A broken bridge the only edge shakes with every passing step
We cannot repair all the things we have not kept
I’ve not wept enough in recent years to keep my eyes from drying up
I’ve (not) slept enough in recent days to keep the flags of my dreams flying
The echoes of my empty heart are the closest things I have to screams
Fire at end and beginning so I fall to in-between
I wrought a treatise on busted guitar strings
Choked on cholesterol sentiments from aorta to arteries
With better aim then Artemis, gave key stone to arch enemies
Who swum in our midst like clown fish with sea anemones
Among death knells and threnodies and sex sells extremities
And health plans that promise better living through chemistry
I lost my identity, tossed to anonymity it’s my apocalypse now
I’m saying now serenity

We didn’t start the fire but provide the kindling
(When it’s all worn off where do ya go)
We didn’t start the fire but provided the kindling
(When it’s all worn off where do ya go)

When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go (where do you go-oo)
When it’s all worn off where do ya go(off)
When it’s all worn off where do ya go

[Verse 3]
Meet me at the clearing
Meet me at the space
Now that the ons and offs of the bombs have stopped
Upon this common spot our common thoughts calm us
Costs promises lost comments draw us closer
Yes sir no sir pressures over
Open mouths for closure
Cry for how I lacked
How I cast
the net
The ocean
How I grasped
your neck
The motion
You grasped for breath
I half confessed this

Friendship shell shocked
Made at the guillotine
My sis
My oath
Made at the crossroads
My trick
is forgiveness
Yours isn’t
Fugue state
        I’m no (i’m no, i’m no) philistine
You yelled stop I didn’t (I didn’t, I didn’t) hear you
Lovers leap from the (from the, from the) mezzanine
Through hell hot on the (on the, on the) path of gasoline
Know Christ know cross road block
Slick ice cold stop slow cries crowed
I denied you thrice I denied you that isn’t right
Tried to cheat the game but had to decide
               (Tried to cheat the game but had to decide)
Played your turn ran out of your life
               (Played your turn ran out of your life)
Boss codes at the crossroads
That isn’t right
I’m glad you’re alive

Wounds so fresh
After my tongue licked clean - and so clean
Traded the pain with numbness - clean enough the pain is numb
I won’t defend what I’ve done just - could a been cleaner but I
Pray there’s some kind of benefit from it - prayed and wasn’t mean enough
I would never do what I did - my good meanings just
I would never do what I did - made it worse what I did
Coulda been a good little boy i’m a - coulda been cleaner left an
Big bad wolf wanna comeback kid - abscess of indifference
Rags, wounds, incisions - cold feet in a blizzard of indecision
War fatigues - yes I wore fatigues
Fields cleanse - made you hafta cleanse my bayonet
Til healed when it’s all worn (OFF!!!!) - perform the surgery(eeee-oooo)

Where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go
When it’s all worn off where do ya go (off)
These songs won’t write them selves and its going no where…

Everyone wants an Xibalba.

A place where the slate is wiped clean.

But the truth is, Xibalba...is just Xibalba.

No matter where we go, we take ourselves and our damage with us.
So is home the place we run to, or is it the place we run from... Only to hide out in places where we're accepted, unconditionally.

Places that feels more like home to us...

...because we can finally be who we are.

About this blog

…sometimes, I don’t know what is “the correct” but i try to do, and sometimes I really know what is, but I won’t...

Los perdidos por convicción.